Isak Dinesen

In the last 25 years, the publishing world has sought to give us more and more memoirs — people sharing their stories of sorrow and pain. They have taken Dinesen's quote to heart. And there is a lot of truth here. We all tell our personal story — if not to others, at least to ourselves.  By sharing our stories we can begin to heal the pain and suffering we have experienced.

When my wife and I wrote our book on pet loss, we gave voice to the pain that pet lovers feel when their pet dies. We allowed people to tell their stories.  We heard the tears of people who felt they had lost a soul mate.  Some said the pain was worse than the death of a parent or a divorce.  Some were still crying ten to twelve years after the pet had died.  Sharing their stories helped some to bring closure and healing to a painful time in their lives.

One of the best salves for healing the pain and sorrow that we feel is writing. The process of putting our feelings, thoughts, and experiences down on paper will give us the opportunity to work through our pain and sorrow.

Unfortunately, some of us don’t feel we can write. We feel that writing is something for professionals with creative talents but not for us. Yet writing is one of the most powerful techniques we have for clarifying our feelings and working through our emotions. By opening ourselves up and expressing our pain and grief on paper, we will release the emotions that are suffocating and depressing us. Giving vent to our anger and pain through writing will help set us free.

What is your story? What sorrows darken your face? Have you put it in words? In pictures? In music? Healing comes with the sharing of our stories.

I want to share with you a process, that if you follow it, will help you share your story and begin to heal your wounds and help you to recover from your sorrow.

Twelve Guidelines for Telling Your Story 

1. Write for fifteen minutes every day. Discipline yourself to write even on those days you don’t feel like writing. 
2. Write in longhand with a pen or pencil. Do not use a computer. 
3. Begin either with the phrase “I remember’' or “I feel.” Whenever you run out of things to say, begin again with the phrase “I remember” and keep writing. 
4. Write without stopping for the full fifteen minutes. Keep your hand moving at all times. 
5. Write without thinking. Give free rein to your emotions and feelings. 
6. Feel free to say whatever you want. Don’t worry about what others will think. 
7. Be as specific as possible in your writing. Put in descriptive detail. 
8. Don’t try to be creative or cute. 
9. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar or what your English teacher taught you. You are not writing for a grade. 
10. It is okay to cry while you are writing. Keep writing through the tears. Don’t stop. 
11. Keep writing as long as you need. If you wish, you can expand your writing time to thirty minutes or an hour.
12. Initially, do not share your writing with others. They may not understand your expression of your pain or may be hurt by what you write.

Alice Mackenzie Swaim

Strength often comes from unexpected places.  We sometimes misjudge people when we only look at the outside.  Inside is what counts.  Have you ever met someone who you liked instantly only to find out he was not the person you thought he was?  Have you ever met a person who you thought was rude and uncaring only to discover she was very warm and giving?

We can easily look at large oak trees and see how strong they are.  They stand tall and their root system goes deep within the earth.  Many live to be 200 years old.  Some have lived over a thousand years.  They weather many storms.  And we can not deny that it does take courage to survive the hostile storms of time.  

Have you ever looked into the face of an old person with pity and hope never to be like her? Or have you wondered about the storms she has weathered and the courage it took to live the hard life she led?  We often misjudge the courage buried within the hearts of the people we meet.

Yet, it is the flower in spring that survives a late snow that draws our attention.  By nature, it is fragile and its life is short.  Though, it has a rare courage that cannot be denied — to hold its petals high in the face of unwanted cold.  We have all met that child who faces death with a courage we fail to see within ourselves.

As artists, writers and storytellers, we must look deep inside and see the truth beneath the surface.  We must find the courage to tell our story in words and images.  Do you have the courage found within the flower poking through the snow?  Are you as strong as the oak tree standing in your backyard?  Are you able to look truth in the face and share the pain you have felt?

Hephzibah Menuhin

Some people believe that freedom means doing whatever one pleases.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Freedom is about making choices.  And one's choices defines whom one becomes.  People seem to forget that freedom actually means taking responsibility for oneself and others.  Freedom is about choosing which burdens to bear.  Freedom is about choosing one's passions and obsessions.

As creative leaders, we are free to choose how we express our ideas, beliefs and opinions including what paints or metaphors to use.  Our freedom is in the choices we make.  But freedom is not just about our expression, it is also about our obsessions.  What are we focused on?  Where do we spend our time?  What are our passions?  What drives us to share?

Freedom is also about choosing to accept our burdens.  None of us live without pain or challenge.  We all face the darkness that haunts our dreams.  We must choose to accept that which weighs us down, to shoulder our responsibilities, to bear the brunt of our pain.

About Hephzibah Menuhin

Hephizibah Menuhin was born in San Francisco on May 20, 1920 and was descended from a distinguished rabbinical dynasty.  She became a pianist, writer and human rights activist.  She died January 1, 1981.

Harley King

All human beings face suffering and pain in their lives.  Some of us are better at coping with our disappointments than others.  And for many of us time is the only healer. And in some cases even time does not heal — the pain still lingers.

Some are able to transform their pain and suffering into works of art.  Others remain trapped in an endlessly cycle of sorrow and disappointment.  As creative leaders we must find ways to mold our suffering into creative works that inspire others.  Pain can be a source of great beauty and hope.  Suffering can give birth to joy and happiness.

Kahlil Gibran wrote, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” 

We often dream of a world without pain, suffering and disappointment.  The pain inspires action and change.  Some of world's greatest creative leaders have used their pain and suffering to make changes in their lives and in the world.  

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”

If we knew more about the pain and suffering of others, maybe we would be kinder and gentler towards them.  We often are so caught up in our own pain that we fail to see the suffering of others.  By embracing the suffering of others, we will be able to transform our own pain for the good of human beings.  Reach out today and hug someone who is suffering.

Harley King

Sometimes we become so lost in the rain of pain and suffering that we fail to see the rainbow of greatness within our souls.  A perfect world does not exist despite how much our hearts wish that it did.  Humans often create their own pain and suffering.  We remember the slights and hurts years after they occur.  We repeat the same bad decisions expecting different results.  Human pain and suffering is a part of the natural order of physical world within which we live.  

Violence and disruption are also a part of the planet.  The civilized world often pretends that the physical world does not exist.  We hide within our buildings safe from the elements.  And we are shocked and surprised when a volcano erupts spilling lava over the land or an earthquake opens up and swallows people and buildings.  Thousands die every years as a result of natural disasters creating more pain and suffering.

Yet within each of us is something greater than the pain and suffering we experience.  If we allow it, the rain of pain and suffering can nourish and water these seeds of greatness.  The pain and suffering can help us grow emotionally and spiritually.  If we learn to harness the pain and suffering, we will be able to transform it into creative works of art.  We can find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

How To Nourish the Seeds of Greatness

1. Choose to let go of the slights and pain that others have caused you.
2. Choose to forgive those who have harmed you.
3. Believe that you have been give artistic talents to share with the world.
4. Trust that you can transform the pain into creative works.
5. Believe that you are destined for greatness.

Faisal Hoque

"Creative people's openness and sensitivity often exposes them to suffering and pain, yet also to a great deal of enjoyment."

— Faisal Hoque

Bangladesh Author / Entrepreneur / Thought Leader

1969 - 

Commentary

Creativity requires that a person be open and sensitive to the world around him.  Yet this same openness that ignites creativity can put a person in harm's way.  This openness exposes creative people to rejection that often will cause pain and even suffering.  Writers and artists want to capture the world accurately and creatively which requires that they be in and of the world.  We can't stand on the sidelines or we will have nothing to say.  We have to be out on the battlefield finding our way through the mud, the blood and the destruction.  We have to experience life at its fullest.

If people only experienced pain from being creative, most people would avoid creativity.  Fortunately creativity also brings great joy and happiness that outweighs the pain.  The rewards are greater than the costs.  

What do you think?  Is creativity a blessing or a curse in your life?  Have you received more joy or more pain?  Is it a gift that you hope keeps giving?  Share a story of how creativity has been a blessing or a curse in your life.  Tell us what creativity means to you.

Creative Practice

This week write a poem or short story or paint a picture about sensitivity and creativity.  What happens to the sensitive creative person in a hostile, by-the-book, as-we-have-always-done-it world?  What challenges does he or she face?  Is the creative spirit a blessing or a curse?  Does he survive or perish?

Biography

Faisal Hoque was born in Dhaka, Bangladesh.  At fourteen he started a business selling stereo components to raise money to study in the United States.  He left Bangladesh to study in the U.S. at seventeen.  He developed his first software product as a student of 19 at the University of Minnesota.  He has held management positions at Pitney Bowes, Dun and Bradstreet and General Electric.  He has also founded several companies.  He has also written 6 books including The Power of Convergence, Six Billion Minds and the Alignment Effect.  His latest book, Everything Connects, is scheduled for publication in 2014.

http://faisalhoque.com

Dean Koontz

"Writing a novel is like making love, but it's also like having a tooth pulled.  Pleasure and pain.  Sometimes it's like making love while having a tooth pulled."

— Dean Koontz

American Novelist

1945 -

I love the images conjured up by this quote.  Pain and pleasure is basically what life is all about.  Why should creative work be any different?  We experience both pain and pleasure while doing creative work — painting, writing, singing or dancing.  Hopefully, you experience more pleasure than pain.  One cannot exist without the other and both teach us something.

Mary Tyler Moore

"Pain nourishes courage.  You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you."

— Mary Tyler Moore

American Actress

1936 -

Everyone faces challenges and difficulties.  No one skates through life without some pain and obstacles.  The characters we see on the TV screen or in the movies are not real.  Life itself does not have happy endings.  No matter when you were born, you will experience loss and death.  The key is finding the courage to face the pain, to live with the loss.  The pain can make us better artists and writers.  Think of all the creative people who have been able to transform the pain of childhood into a powerful motivation for creating their art.  What is the pain in your life?  How does it transform your art?  Does it make you a better person?  Are you able to grow beyond the pain?

Tom Robbins

"When they tell you to grow up, they mean stop growing."

— Tom Robbins

American Novelist

1936 - 

Adults can be so mean to kids without even knowing it.  And sometimes they will stifle creativity. Be aware of what you say to others.  Whose light are you extinguishing with your words and actions?  We don't mean to hurt those we love but often we do.  This holiday season take stock of your words and actions.

Taylor Swift

"People haven't always been there for me but music always has."

— Taylor Swift

American Musician

1989 -

I would wager that most people reading this quote would agree with the first half.  Rarely do we receive unconditional love from people, even our parents.  Usually there are strings attached.  And sometimes huge ropes.  If we don't live up to people's expectations, they reject us or kick us out.  For some of us all we have is our art.  Even in the most difficult of times, we have our music, our art, our writing, our acting.


This message was driven home to me a number of years ago when my wife and I interviewed over 100 people who were grieving over the death of a pet.  Often these people spoke of the unconditional love they received from their pet.  They would say even when they were having a bad day, the pet would be there for them.  This is not something they received from the people in their lives.  We published our interviews in our book, It's Okay To Cry, that can be found on Amazon.


I think the challenge we all face is to love the people in our lives unconditionally not matter how they treat us.  Love your children unconditionally.  Love your significant other unconditionally.  Love your parents unconditionally.  And most of all, love yourself unconditionally.


Here is Taylor Swift singing Fearless.  Enjoy.

(Quote Source:  Goodreads.com)

Truman Capote

(1959)

"Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor."

— Truman Capote

American Writer

1924 - 1984

People, unfortunately, strive to be perfect and not make any mistakes.  For creative leaders, perfection creates paralysis and immobility.  Painters who seek perfection stay with the tried and true because they don't want to risk failure.  Writer won't step outside their comfort zone because of the fear of failure.  We are a society driven to be perfect and we don't tolerate mistakes.  Yet, without failure there is no success.  Failure provides the flavor to life.  

For a society that dwells on perfection, we crave seeing others fail.  We love to watch the mighty fall.  We cling to our entertainment shows to see which celebrity screwed up.  Who is going through a divorce.  Who is sleeping with who.  Who is fighting with who.  If I began naming names, the list would never end.  Every moment of every day someone stumbles and falls.  

Yet, it is in the moments of failure that some of the greatest novels have been written and some of the greatest paintings have been painted.  Without the pain of failure, there would be no joy in success.  So I challenge you to step outside your comfort zone and try something new.

(Source of quote: Goodreads.com)

Mahatma Gandhi

"The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

— Mahatma Gandhi

Indian Lawyer/Political Activist

1869 - 1948

Sometimes the private lives of writers, singers and artists don't live up to the high standards of their creative work.  Alcohol, drugs and sex have destroyed some of our most creative people.  Some have battled their demons and lost.  The demons may have fueled their creativity, but in the end the demons took control and destroyed them.  Creative leaders must learn to forgive those who have hurt them and to grow beyond the pain into better human beings.  

Learn to forgive the people in your life who have hurt you.  The anger does you no good.  It is very destructive and in the end you will be the one who suffers.  Make the  choice today to be a better person.  

Henri Matisse

"Every day that dawns is a gift to me and I take it that way.  I accept it gratefully without looking beyond it . . . . I think only of the joy of seeing the sun rise once more and of being able to work a little bit, even under difficult conditions."

— Henri Matisse

French Artist

1869 - 1954

Each day we live is a gift that we often forget to be thankful for.  We become so busy with the hundreds of tasks that we have to do that we lose sight of the fact that life is a blessing.  Matisse wrote these words after a second operation from which he did not expect to wake.  Even though he was physically in pain, he found joy in being able to paint.  Each day is a gift.  Are you living it to the fullest?  Are you grateful for the life you have?  Does your creative work bring you joy?

La Musique

Wilfred Grenfell

"The service we render for others is really the rent we pay for our room on this earth."

— Wilfred Grenfell

English Medical Missionary

1865 - 1940

It is a privilege and honor to be an artist.  We have an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of people.  Creative leaders provide tremendous value to societies and the people who make up those societies.  We entertain, inspire, inform and teach.  We give hope when hope is needed.  

Have you ever read a book that changed your life?  Thank the author with all your heart for the hours he spent writing and rewriting that book.  Have you ever read a novel that made you cry?  Thank the author.  Have you ever listened to a piece of music again and again because it calmed you down?  Thank the composer and the musicians.  Have you ever stood before a statue with your mouth wide open in awe?  Thank the sculptor.  Have you ever sat for hours in a museum studying a painting of a master?  Thank the painter for sharing his talent.

Be thankful for the privilege of serving others — of helping to ease their pain.  For giving them a few moments of laughter, joy and encouragement.  For helping them bear the loneliness of living.  For saving them from their thoughts of suicide.  Creative leaders are seldom aware of the impact and influence they have on people's lives.  If they did, they would be thankful every day for the gift they have been given.

Christina Baldwin

"The gate to any new period of growth or maturity in our lives requires a period of discomfort and disorientation.  Out of this experience we eventually create a more deeply integrated story."

— Christina Baldwin

American Author/Speaker

1946 -

Growth as a creative leader is often associated with pain and discomfort.  Anytime we try something new or learn a new technique, we must pass through a period of frustration and unhappiness before we become a master.  Everything has a price and we must pay that price.  The paradox is that when things come to easily we become bored.  We like a challenge and  new opportunities for growth and development.  And the more pain the stronger our personal story becomes.

What are you struggling with at this moment?  What barriers stand in your way?  What is frustrating you?  There is light at the end of this tunnel even if you can't see it.  And you will be a better artist, writer or actor when you come through it.  Give thanks for these moments of growth.

Duke Ellington

"I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues."

Duke Ellington

American Composer, Musician

1899 - 1974

Many of us waste energy complaining.  We need to learn to transform our frustrations, fears and failures into positive energy that inspires us to create great works of art.  Are you feeling down today, maybe even depressed?  Great.  Use that negative energy to create.  Write through the frustration.  Paint a picture with large dramatic brush strokes.  Are you angry and upset?  Transform that negative energy.  Splatter the canvas with paint.  Quickly write a poem in very large letters and don't rewrite it.  Read the poem aloud to the universe.  Is your heart broken and you can't stop crying?  Give yourself a hug and sing in a loud voice a country song about your broken heart and the mean person who broke it.  Be sure to sing off key.  Paint a picture of a heart in agony.  Dance wildly about the living room and do a belly laugh.

Emotions are a part of being human.  What most people don't realize is that they can control and change their emotions.  Don't wallow in self-pity, take charge of your life and choose to change your emotions.  Do something that gets you out of that rut.  Climb a mountain in your backyard.  Take photos of squirrels chasing each other in fun.  Go for a swim.  Listen to Duke Ellington.

Pierre Auguste Renoir

Self-Portrait
(1875)

"It is not enough for a painter to be a clever craftsman; he must love to 'caress' his canvas, too.

— Pierre Auguste Renoir

French Artist

1841 - 1919

For some people the process of creation is painful and difficult.  They struggle to put words on paper or paint on the canvas.  They let their fear of failure or their drive for perfection prevent them from working.  Others love to work.  They are happiest standing before a canvas or sitting before a computer.  Work comes easy for them.  Which person are you?  Do you love your work?  Do you enjoy painting?  Can you get lost in process of painting?  Do you enjoy writing?  Can you write for hours and suddenly stop and realize how fast the time has flown by?  Or do you procrastinate and look for ways to avoid working?  Do you tell yourself that you have to clean the house, wash the dishes or pay the bills instead of working on your art or writing?

Umbrellas
(1981)

Read my poem, Indecision, inspired by Renoir's painting, Umbrellas.

Abigail Adams

"Learning is not attained by chance.  It must be sought for with ardor and attended to with diligence."

— Abigail Adams

Letter Writer

First Lady, Wife of John Adams 

1744 - 1818

I am a strong believer that creative leaders should be life-long learners.  One of the main reasons we are here is to learn and grow as human beings.  Learning comes in many ways and from many places.  Other people can teach us a lot if we are paying attention.  People come into our lives to teach us something.  And sometimes we resist learning what they have to teach so we make the same mistakes again and again.  Are you paying attention to what the people in your life are teaching you?  Are there people who make you angry?  What are they trying to teach you?  Are there people who have hurt you?  What are they teaching you?  What are you learning from the pain?  Are people giving you advice that you have chosen not to listen to?  Are there people who encourage you and you ignore them?  What are you learning from the people in your life?  What are you learning that will improve your relationships and improve your artistic creations?

Graham Greene

"Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation."

— Graham Greene

British Novelist

1904 - 1991

Have you ever thought of your writing or your painting as a form of therapy, as a way to help you through the challenges you face in life with at least a part of your sanity?  This goes to the heart of who do we create for?  Ourselves or others?  I think the answer for the most part is ourselves.  If we write what others want us to write or paint what others want us to paint, I think we hurt ourselves more than help ourselves.  We all have demons in our lives that we must work through.  For some it is their childhood.  For others it is the death of someone they loved dearly.  For others it is the spiritual doubts they have.  Creating works of art helps us cope with the pain that is at the heart of our lives.  It helps us face the fears that try to force us into hiding.  It helps us to keep the madness at bay for a little while.

Laura Kasischke

"Writing is really just a matter of writing a lot, writing consistently and having faith that you'll continue to get better and better.  Sometimes people think that if they don't display great talent and have some success right away, they won't succeed.  But writing is about struggling through and learning and finding out what it is about writing itself that you really love."

— Laura Kasischke

American Novelist, Poet

1961 - 

If success comes too early, it can destroy an artist.  Early success can create writer's block.  Artists become overwhelmed by the success and stop painting.  People start enjoying their celebrity status and forget about what brought them there.  And sometimes they start believing their own press clippings.  Sometimes it is better to wait until you are emotionally ready and have the wisdom to handle it.  

If writing or painting comes too easy, people often lose interest and look for something more challenging.  If writing is a struggle, then success when it comes will be sweeter.  Have the faith to keep writing, to keep drawing or to keep painting even when there seems to be no hope of success.